Just When You Thought You’ve Seen Everything…
January 28, 2007Man has far evolved from the standard and old-fashioned (yet still formidable) BJ-Missionary-BJ-Cumshot procedure. And in his evolution, Man has beheld playful sexual ingenuity in the form of smurfings, reach-arounds, glory holes, hot carls, and Cincinnati bowties.
He, too, has witnessed a mishmash of erotic visuals such as upskirts, down-blouses, hidden changing room recordings, webcam teasings, and first-person perspectives while being straddled in the cowgirl position.
He’s probably seen everything. Everything but this:
In a time where hog-tied lesbian cheerleader orgies are a dime a dozen, one would surmise that for every porn film made, there would at least be one guy somewhere on god’s green earth getting his jollies from it.
But beating off to clown porn?! For fuck’s sake!
I know, I know… Every person is entitled to watch porn at their own behest. That’s an implicit rule among porn aficionados. So I’m not saying that it’s wrong; at least not entirely.
You see, even if there are no restrictions when it comes to pornography, one should be aware of THE LIST: An Enumeration of Specific Sexual Acts and Variations That Are Generally Frowned Upon, as compiled by The North American Man/Boy Love Association (NAMBLA). And that list clearly states that a person can only pleasure himself to a film with a maximum of one (1) clown. Masturbating to a film featuring two (2) or more clowns will immediately render you a ranking of “Total Perv,” which is only second to the invaluable “Champion Sex Offender” title.
Now that we’ve set those things aside, excuse me while I pop this NAMBLA-certified tape into my VCR.
Hello, Stranger.
January 23, 2007So, this is my blog. I’m calling it “Man Overboard” for now because I feel that in one of my previous lives, I was some sort of outcast seafarer. A pirate who wore an eye patch on his balls, maybe. Or a really effeminate sailor, like this guy (marked in red):
However, I feel more of an affinity with the Construction Worker Guy (marked in green), for he and my penis have some similarities: both have the exact same moustache, and both have an equally strong grasp for hardware tools.
And is that fucking Ben Stiller on the far right?
Also, I know, I'm a half a decade behind everybody else, but my primary reason for not bothering to create my own online journal over the years is you, stranger. Yes, you. You see, I know what you’re thinking: "Coco’s blog title really isn’t that creative, his posts aren’t inspired, and he sure as hell isn’t as funny as he thinks he is."
I don’t mind being judged, I simply never took kindly to the fact that a lot of people on the internets feel that they JUST HAVE TO have an opinion on everything and everyone. So if you have nothing better to do here other than be a total douchebag and say unconstructive things, please, go away. However, if you wish to stay and persist on judging me, then you, sir/ma’am, can eat my asshole.
That is, if someone is actually reading this crap. If no one is, then I guess all I can say is "Bye-bye."
Sock Puppet Theater Presents: Coco From 14 Hours Ago Is A Fucking Idiot
January 20, 2007January 11th, 5PM
Coco from 14 Hours Ago: Oh coolies! TNA Wrestling is selling a limited edition bundle which includes two DVDs, two t-shirts, and two autographed 8×10 photos of Samoa Joe and Kurt Angle - inarguably two of the greatest in-ring performers of our generation! But Fucken A, it’ll cost me $59.95! It does say here that they expect the sets to be sold out within the next couple of days. Maybe I can sleep on it and decide tomorrow.
January 12th, 7AM
Coco from the Future: Holy shitballs! I just had the weirdest dream! I ordered the Angle-Joe bundle and then the package arrived, and before I could even sign for the release at my doorstep, I was already masturbating to how awesome it was that I fucking had 8×10 autographed photos of Kurt Angle and Samoa Joe! So the delivery guy was like “Dude, that’s sick!” And I was like “Dude, you just fucking brought me autographed photos of Kurt Angle and Samoa Joe!” And he was like “No fucking way! I so hate you right now! Can I masturbate with you, though?” And I was like “Sure!”
And now I’m up! All I have to do is find my credit card and turn on my PC! But first I have to pee
Accessing the TNA website now… Man, I can’t believe that I’ll be ge— FUCK!!! IT’S SOLD OUT! I NEED TO TRAVEL BACK IN TIME TO CONVINCE MYSELF FROM 14 HOURS AGO TO PURCHASE IT IMMEDIATELY! WHERE’S MY DELOREAN?!
