Coco Is A Spider-Monkey

So my good friend Huey left for China again. Speaking of which, I can’t believe that it’s only been three weeks since we started planning for Huey’ latest return by (how else?) drinking an assload of beer at Cable Car along Pasay Road. And before you start comparing me to your wife-beating alky Dads, I always make sure that I’m sober enough before driving home. I dunno, it’s a bit of a mystery as to how I manage to shake off the drunkenness once I get behind the wheel, because once I get home, I start acting like a complete mongoloid all over again.

Take three weeks ago, for example. Around that time, we had just started padlocking two of our three gates (Car Gate #1 and the Small People Gate) because a neighbor was robbed in broad daylight just recently. The gate which opens my car’s garage (Car Gate #2) didn’t have a padlock because: a) It didn’t have holes where one could potentially reach in from the outside and open it, and b) It made too much damn noise anyway, that if anyone tried stealing something from our place and used that particular gate to flee, the entire household and everyone within a two-block radius would be able to hear it.

So when I got home after meeting with Bim, El Presidente, Joms, and Frankie T. to drink and make plans for Huey’s brief homecoming, I positioned the car outside as usual, and went on to try and open the Small People Gate so that I could open Car Gate # 2 from the inside. But Small People Gate was locked, and being the drunk fuck that I was, I forgot that I had the key.

I, however, was a considerate albeit drunk fuck, so I didn’t bother ringing the doorbell or calling our landline so as not to wake anyone up. I only had two options now: slap myself really hard and figure out that I actually had a key, OR, climb our 6-foot high front lawn wall and risk getting seriously hurt. Guess what Genius Coco opted to do.

Climbing up our wall isn’t as easy as it looks. There’s sort of a mini-ledge around 5 feet from the ground and is a couple of inches wide, which someone like Hakeem LOLajuwon could easily use as a boost to get to the top. But even at 5’9”, I was no match for our seemingly impenetrable wall. I had to pull off some Jackie Chan shit for this one. So I grabbed the top-most ledge and took a couple of steps on the wall itself before reaching the middle ledge, and from there I hurriedly reached and squatted on the top of the wall.

At this point, I once again had two options: use the rolling warehouse stair set that’s been beside that wall forever to securely get to the other side, OR, I could jump. But I was like Eeeew this stairs is a rusty! I think I’ll jump! Huzzah!

So I jumped. And fell on my ass. Hard.

THE END YAY!