Sock Puppet Theater Presents: Congratulations Graduates! Eat My Asshole!
March 11, 2007My high school buddies and I have a YahooGroup, where our juvenile banter on robots and sex and robot sex have justly matured to career-related dialogue over the years, especially since most of the thirty-strong constituents of our little ragtag troupe have, by now, graduated from college. So I checked my email recently and chanced upon a high school friend’s plea for advice. He is currently employed by a huge-ass multinational company and was given an offer by a competitor to jump ship and get twice his current pay (which as far as I know is already hugecakes to begin with). His bosses then came up with a counter-offer that consisted of a 35% increase in basic salary and allowances, plus a guaranteed relocation to the glorious Americas within the next couple of years.
(For anyone who was too lazy to read the above-written crap)
COCO’S FRIEND HAS A PROBLEM, AND HE HAS TWO OPTIONS:
OPTION A
OPTION B
Every single person who responded to his request for our two cents was female, and though I love those ladies to the max, this was all that registered in my brain: YADA YADA YADA DERK DERK DERKA MARRY ME! ROOAAARRR PFFFBBBHHHTTTT. But I can tell by their lengthy replies that they were serious about helping him out. I, on the other hand, was busy contemplating on potential ways of killing myself.
(For anyone who was too lazy to read the above-written crap)
COCO, AFTER LEARNING THAT HIS FRIEND’S “PROBLEM” WAS SIMPLY NOT KNOWING WHETHER MORE MONEY IS BETTER THAN EVEN MORE MONEY, WANTS TO KILL HIMSELF AND HAS TWO OPTIONS:
OPTION A
OPTION B
