I Pretend to Be Intelligent By Reviewing Some Oscar Winners.
February 27, 2008First things first, let’s make one thing clear:
That’s Daniel Day-Lewis. And Daniel Day-Lewis was THE FIRE in this movie. I mean man, the guy was just incendiary. (Add a third sentence referencing his acting and flames and such.) And he sounded exactly how a mustachioed oil man from the 1900s should sound like. Believe me, I know from experience. I was just waiting for that mustache of his to stretch out its robot mustache legs, reveal itself to be a robot mustache creature from the future, and fly off his face. It’s like it had a life of its own. But I swear, the name Daniel Plainview will be etched into my memory until the day I die. And so will the words: "I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE! I DRINK IT UP!"
I’m serious. It was that good.
So the Best Actor win was well-deserved, but I was surprised to find out that Paul Dano wasn’t nominated for his performance as Eli Sunday. Normally, I’d also feel peeved about certain aspects of a film, whether they be the run times, the anachronisms, or plot holes among other things, but I finished the movie and had absolutely no complaints. I feel that this should have won over No Country For Old Men for Best Picture. Which brings me to:
Don’t get me wrong, I really liked this one too. It had "Holy intensicles!" written all over it. But There Will Be Blood eked out the moral victory in my humble opinion, courtesy of Mr. Plainview and his mustache. But Javier Bardem and his snazzy ‘do, given more screen time, could have given Day-Lewis a run for his money. Oh and once again, first things first:
That’s Bardem as Anton Chigurh, another name that will forever be carved in memory as one of the most badass villains of all time. Next to Darth Vader, Saruman the White, and Sinbad in Good Burger, of course. Josh Brolin was fantastic (I even read that he sought help from Rodriguez and Tarantino to audition for this film), and the Coens did an amazing job of setting a unique pace for the film. There were some unexpected LOL-worthy moments too. Just watch out for a mariachi band, and the uttering of the word "FRIEND-O." I’ll start calling everyone FRIEND-O from now on, if that’s okay with you guys.
I know, I’ve written about this film before. Sure, parts of it I wrote as a goof, but that doesn’t discount my opinion that the movie didn’t deserve the acclaim it was getting.
But with Diablo Cody winning the Academy Award for Best Original Screenplay, I felt like giving Juno a second chance. I may have missed something, difficult as it (and by "it" I mean "missing something in a 90-minute movie written by a former stripper") may seem. So I press "Play," fast forward through the gratuitous fancy schmancy opening credits, and eventually give up at the part where the burger phone makes an appearance, which I think is 8 minutes into the film.
So I haven’t seen the rest of the nominees for Best Original Screenplay, but come on, there has to be at least one that was written better and simply didn’t garner enough interest to earn votes, because there was this stripper-turned-writer who was strippering up all the attention, who wrote this strippery movie about some pregnant kid, presumably with her stripper pen and stripper pad, maybe even typed it into her personal compu-stripper, somewhere in her stripper home on Valle del Stripper-o.
Which, by the way, is down by Stripper River.
Don’t worry, it’s okay to allude to her former strippering ways; after all, she did meticulously chronicle it on her blog (unstripperily called "The Pussy Ranch") and even wrote a book about it. And she kinda, sorta mentions it every time she opens her strippery mouth. I know how to use Wikipedia! Yay!
Previous Comments
I’ve been doing all of the above, no worries. Except for the strangers and the pleasantries part. I’m a guy who is innately shy. A “shy guy,” if you will.
And it’s not so much as fighting for an opinion, rather, milking something for all its worth before the jokes got dated. With all due respect, it indeed was for the sake of comedy, which I apparently failed at transcending. I mean, there was one paragraph that was dedicated to the multiple variations to the word “stripper;” I thought that that was a dead giveaway, man.
Posted by coco at February 28, 2008, 11:03 amPost this over there in our little blog for men.
Posted by Pau at February 28, 2008, 12:35 pmIt would be my pleasure, friend-o. What date should I set it to?
Posted by coco at February 28, 2008, 1:03 pmSTRIPPERRIFIC!!!
Posted by Baddie at February 28, 2008, 4:44 pmHonestly though people, enough about Diablo Cody. It’s all about Daniel Day-Lewis. And the milkshake. Which brings all the boys to the yard. Damn right. It’s better than yours.
Saw that coming, did you. What you probably didn’t see coming is me keeping at it. Look.
I can teach you. But I’ll have to charge.
Bet you didn’t see that one coming. That part where I keep at the obvious joke. Which should have been a one-liner. But now you’re at sentence number fifteen.
I win.
Posted by coco at February 28, 2008, 4:56 pmWell if it isn’t the guy who hates Juno so much, Mr. I-Hate-Juno!
Posted by Steel at February 28, 2008, 8:50 pmMarch 3 baybee. Just in time for next year’s OSCARS!
Posted by Pau at February 29, 2008, 2:39 pmStripperoo!
You oddly look like PANIC AT THE DISCO VOCALIST GUY. Heh.
Posted by Helga at March 1, 2008, 12:47 pmMinus the hairmuffs (Get it? Hair? Earmuffs? FUNNY!), sure. I’ll take that as a compliment.
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It’s good to go out of the house, meet real people, exchange pleasantries with random strangers, exchange bodily fluids even, maybe also talk a bit, and just let loose. And live. It’s a lost cause fighting for your opinion on Juno. Why? Just trust a wise old man’s opinion, kid. No harm to it. Try it, you’ll see it’s good.
Posted by Fritz at February 28, 2008, 10:12 am