And Today Was A Day Just Like Any Other… EXCEPT THAT I WAS FUCKING ROBBED!

Dear Dudes Who Stole My Cellphone Last Night,

I’ve got to give you props; you managed to outwit a certified genius in myself. I mean, pretending like you, too, were about to hop off the bus and sandwiching me for a good 5 seconds while you picked my pocket was a brilliant idea. It was simple and obviously effective.

So okay, you win this one. What you won’t win at though, is LIFE. You see, stealing my crummy cellphone won’t get you enough money to buy medication FOR YOUR MOTHERS’ TUBERCULOSIS, ASSHOLES.

I’m really not that affected with the fact that I lost something of significant value (like I said, the phone’s a piece of shit but anything over P200 for me counts as “significant”). The worst part of it is that you managed to inconvenience the fuck out of me. I’m fine with losing valuables, but forcing me to rebuild my contacts lists and setting up a new phone is what irks me the most.

You see, this is where I am in the Initiative-O-Meter:

I’m right between hobos and a black midget.

I’m so pissed at the fact that I have to encode every goddamned name and number of every goddamned person I know into a new phone, that I wish that I were Bryan Mills and had the skill set to hunt you down and judo chop the piss out of you.

Just so I won’t have to spend an afternoon being hassled with re-populating my directory.

So yeah. I wish you nothing but misery. I hope that the next typhoon to hit our shores floods your shanties and gives your children leptospirosis.

TANG INA NIYO.

Coco