Family News.

June 4, 2007

So I was out of the house for two nights and certain things have led me to conclude that my older brother Nino paid a visit to our house, formed yet another collusion with my younger brother Loi, and, for the lack of better words, messed with my shit like the assholes that they are.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, Exhibit A:

A twenty-five centavo coin in my soap.

Exhibit B:

A drawing of a penis on my Barong Tagalog's plastic seal thinger.

I'm pretty sure that there are other things which haven't caught my eye yet, but they'll pay. And if you're wondering what the Barong's for, well it's my sister's wedding this Saturday. Yay cake. And I'm moving into her old room upstairs. Yay new room. With its own Goddamned bathroom.

One of the many qualms I had with my old room was that it didn't have a bathroom. I'd use the guests' commode (yay Talladega Nights reference) which is so small you'd have to sit sideways when taking a crap. So, after six years, I'm saying goodbye to that piece-o-shit bathroom. Another problem with my room was that it was the only bedroom downstairs (except for the maids' quarters), and it was the one nearest to the front door. So if anyone decided to break into our house, guess who gets to die first? Yeah, ME. FUCKING ME. GODFUCKINGDAMNIT.

So, yeah. 

Bim and Coco’s Retarded College Videos

May 29, 2007

Ute giving Bim an arm wrench. Bim tries to counter by flipping forward, and fails. Meh.

Me giving Bim a Superkick. Then hitting him with a copy of that day's Wall Street Journal. I held it a little too short though, so I ended up somewhat punching him in the back, too. Pft. (Audio sucks. You might want to turn your speakers up a wee bit.)

These are the pussy videos we have. We have better ones (Pedigree? Bim drinking beer off of a pair of briefs?). But I'll be needing a DVD-ROM to rip and upload those, though. =/

Coco’s Week of BirthdYAY Parties! (May 12)

May 17, 2007

*NOTE TO MY TWO LOYAL READERS (AKA MOM AND RICO YAN): Some of the "comedic" material in this post were borrowed from the last two entries I made, because I ran out of the funnies. So, sorry. I guess.

May 12, 2007 began with me taking a dump half asleep and hung over from a drinking session I had with my high school friends the night before. But I had to get myself together, I had my nephew’s birthday party at Shakey’s to go to that afternoon, as well as what seemed to be a regular night out with The Bim and some other college friends.

Birthday banner! Shake and bake! Fidel Castro Rabbit DJ saying “Kepyas ng Bata” (“A Child’s Vagina”)! Really mature! (Tarp courtesy of Joms, who unfortunately couldn’t make it. I hope the sex was worth it, ass.)

I’ll skip the less important details, like how Bim got me to bring an extra set of clothes and carry buttloads of liquor to the 7th floor of the Discovery Suites in Ortigas. Alls I know is when we knocked on the door of Room 706, someone shouted “Lights out!” (cough Ade cough), and my initial curiosity was confirmed that something was up.

SURPRISE! I make my entrance.

By the way, that was one of the few photos that Pau was in. Some of the attendees decided that a certain, minimal amount of gayness was to be met for that night and we just had to send him home a little early. Sorry, fag.

The functional food was courtesy of the lovely Ms. Anne, who in the above-placed photo shows off her best “I’m a great cook! Also, this is one of the few times you’ll actually get to see me smile, because I hate most things that are fun and I love Satan. And check out my nifty hotel flip-flops.” pose.

Anyway, here be some more photos yarr:

The ladies love Bim. (From left: Jen, Peachie, and Cheska) 
Poker with Mikey, Adam, Fritz, Coco, and Bim. 
Here are some photos that we took of Steel, Squid, and Baddie, respectively. 
The new TMB Poker champion, Fritz, “observing” the Japanese boobie cards. 
Mikey, as he spearheads our plans to kidnap a Chinese tycoon’s daughter for ransom. You know, to cover our expenses and shit.

No more brandy.

As the alcohol dwindled, so did much of the activity. Ade, Mikey and Jen took naps while the rest of us kept ourselves busy by downing the last of four Red Horse Grande bottles (there were three more in my car), and by talking about romance and work and how special children aren’t really that special, because some of them can’t even walk and shit.

DJ Innovator when it comes to scratch. Washy ma some. Washy ma some.

I honestly couldn’t have wished for a better night, because for starters, I don’t believe in tomfoolery such as wishes and hope and women’s rights. But if I did, my birthday wish would have been for assloads of money, and ringside seats to every TNA Wrestling Pay-Per-View until I die. Also, world peace. But mostly money. And wrestling tickets. But a surprise birthday party from my TMB friends is just as good.

Jen, the Sexy Nomad was awesome enough to conjure up an equally awesome video that pretty much sums up the party. So this article was a complete waste of time. But you read it anyway, and I love you. Make out with me?

There’s tons of other stuff over at the hidden forums, including photos that show even more people in robes, Mikey touching his National Geographic-worthy areolas, and Bim being the subject of a game called “Spot the Nipple,” among others. There’s also a video of me slapping on the Sharpshooter and the Boston Crab on Bim floating around there somewhere. But you’ll need at least 100 decent posts on the main boards to gain access to those, so there.

Coco’s Week of BirthdYAY Parties! (May 11)

May 16, 2007

So I had some high school friends over last Friday. Nothing out of the ordinary, really. Just a drinking session with my bestest friends. I mean, we've gone as far as having gin-Milo before. And when I was going through a tough break-up 6 years ago, we drank so much lambanog that we found ourselves playing with our own puke. Not that I advocate getting wasted, because that would be immature. But I just. Like. Drinking. Too much, sometimes.

But now that we're somewhat grown-up, we've settled on having the usual, safe beverages like Red Horse and some gin mixture. That night, we had gin pineapple. Marc came at 9PM, on the dot, and it wasn't until an hour later that anybody else arrived. The two of us kept ourselves busy by downing the first of six Red Horse Grande bottles, by playing pusoy dos, and by talking about romance and work and studies and how special children aren't really that special, because some of them can't walk and shit.

We also got a call on my celly from Kitkat, who's in Chicago, but I didn't get to talk to her that much since I bump into her over at YM almost every night, anyway. By the way, she gave me the most awesome (and  four month-early) presents: a Hasselhoff t-shirt and an Anberlin CD. I really don't remember much because I was busy running around, cleaning the slightest mess, and also I was super drunk. Though another bottle wouldn't have hurt.

I slept at 3:30 and woke up at 7 and had the worst stomach ache. Did my business and went back to sleep for another couple of hours. I had to get ready for my nephew's party at Shakey's, and what appeared to be a normal night out with The Bim, only it was something completely different.

Anyway, more pictures from Friday night: 

Listening To Some Brand New Arcade Fire

May 10, 2007

Arcade Fire “Neon Bible”

French Canada’s The Arcade Fire is a seven-piece rock orchestra whose second album, Neon Bible, was released in April of this year. By the way, did I mention that they were from Canada? Because for some reason, a lot of people feel the need to specify that The Arcade Fire are from Canada. Last.fm even describes their music as Canadian lol. Have a look-see:

 

After spending 545 pesos on this CD, I really desperately wanted to fucking like it. But it just fails. The opening track was weak, though it did pick up at the second song, Keep the Car Running, to which I thought to myself: “Man, The Arcade Fire can do no wrong!” Turns out, I was wrong. Four groan-worthy songs succeed Keep the Car Running, and they just started to sound like that crappy artsy fartsy band that people pretend to listen to so they could put them under their Favorite Music lists on Friendster and be all artsy and cool and shit.

The Arcade Fire "Keep the Car Running"

Thankfully, those four terrible songs are followed by four good ones, and the most noteworthy of this bunch would be (Antichrist Television Blues) which talks about God and mocking birds, I think. Other than a few good songs, the only thing that I could really commend Neon Bible on is its fantastic album art. It even comes in a snazzy slipcase. But at this point, all I can really say is that The Arcade Fire totally screwed themselves over with their poor track arrangement, because it would take a really patient man to listen through tracks 3 to 6 without putting a bullet in his head. Anyhuway, moving on to the good stuff.

 

Brand New “The Devil and God Are Raging Inside Me”

Brand New is a New York-bred quartet whose debut effort, Your Favorite Weapon, is something that I personally don’t care much for, but I’m not selling it because I’m a dick. Their 2003 follow-up Deja Entendu, however, was a complete departure from their pop-punk roots, as it featured a more mature sound, which I can only describe as a three-way marriage between Brit Alternative, Indie, and Awesome Music In General. I will have you know that I get a major case of the precums whenever I plug the disc in for a spin. Three years later, The Devil and God Are Raging Inside Me picks up where Deja Entendu left off, with the band kicking things up a notch to create yet another remarkable CD.

From the get-go, I noticed that the track Jesus appeared to be the best, and potentially the most radio-friendly from the album. I never really cared for lyrics; I could sing along to tunes that advocate abortion and boy-love and I wouldn’t give a jabroni’s ballsack. As long as they make my head bob and my feet tap, I’m a happy man. And head-bobbing and feet-tapping are exactly what Jesus (the song) does for me. However, lyrically-speaking, I think that the band may face some backlash for the said song. Again, I never really cared for lyrics, but I think that the song talks about nailing Jesus (the Savior Dude) back on the cross or some shit; I’m not really sure.

Brand New "Jesus"

Other notable tracks would be the following: Degausser, in which vocalist Jesse Lacey actually quasi-raps towards the end, but pulls it off without him sounding ridiculous; Luca, which I think would make a certain dead grunge icon rise from the dead just to shoot himself in the face all over again for not having this song under his belt during his day; and The Archer’s Bows Have Broken and Not the Sun, two post-punk/new wave-inspired and borderline dancey tracks, the latter of which you can listen to below:

Brand New "Not the Sun"

Add two instrumental tracks, four delectable songs mirroring the music of their Long Island residence’s maturing post-hardcore scene, and in true Brand New fashion, an acoustic song to cap the disc off, and what we have is a musical gem. Honestly, the only word that I can use to describe the album is plain “beautiful.” And the only word you’ll probably be using to describe me from here on is “gaytastiriffic.” So, okay.

Verdicts

Arcade Fire’s paltry sophomore effort, Neon Bible, renders them a rating of One (1) Rick Moranis, and One Half (1/2) of a Celine Dion.

I give Brand New’s The Devil and God Are Raging Inside Me Five (5) Patrick Ewings, and hereby nominate it for the title of “Ass-Kickingest Album of the Decade, But the Decade Isn’t Over Yet, But I’m Calling It Anyway, So Suck My Balls.”

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Note: Both albums are available locally for 545 buckeroos. They’re imported, hence the steep price. This also means that there are only a handful of copies floating around. I really recommend picking up the Brand New album.

Speaking of recommendations, why don’t you head out to our Music Recommendations Thread and make one of your own, hmn?