Long-ass Overdue Post On Orphan Kids and Pong Pagong.

Two Saturdays ago, our friend Sheena celebrated her birthday at, of all places, The Haven for Children in Alabang. It’s a center that houses boys who have been orphaned or have dealt with various types of abuse, among other things.

She used to work for UNICEF so this should come as no surprise. I mean, every Christmas for the past couple of years or so, we’d get cards from her saying that a donation had been made in our names, to which I would always react with anger and frustration, leading to the said card which I received being torn, the throwing of bottles, the breaking out of a small and manageable fire, and the words "BUT I WANTED A GODDAMNED CD" echoing within a three-block radius.

So Tintin and I met up with some of our friends at the center at around noon and started organizing art materials (a drawing book, crayons, a huge-ass pencil, and a small-ass sharpener) which we would be providing to the 80-plus kids there.

Unfortunately, the huge-ass pencils couldn’t quite fit into the small-ass sharpeners, so we scrambled and forced them suckers in there, and made sure that they were ready for an activity which involved the kids coming up with the best caricature of the celebrant. This, of course, resulted in fucking blisters on our fingers, but it was all worth it, because most of the drawings they made were funny as hell.

The kids were also treated to a lengthy magic show and some contests by a couple of clowns (Literally. I mean, "clown clowns," not in the derogatory "ass clowns" sense.) Most of my friends were mingling with the kids and took part in the games, but I just sat by the sidelines, doodling on one of the unused pads.

The clowns mistakenly referred to Sheena as "Ate Shena," as in "Ate Sienna" from Batibot so I drew Pong Pagong and, sensibly, a Ninja Turtle when we wrote our greetings for her.

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Worst Title Ever: FUN AT THE BEACH!

I’m too lazy to think of better ones. This kinda sounds like something 9 year-olds would come up with for their first English homework or essay of the schoolyear.

But first things first: I would just like to make public my hatred for Sucat Ave. It normally takes me 20 minutes to get to the McDonald’s at the entrance of BF Homes along Sucat, but this morning it took me over an hour. I left really early for an interview and I had to take a detour from President’s Ave. to Lopez, and the traffic was just as bad. I barely made it to the place on time. Also, I thought that it might not have been the wisest idea to mention that I maintain a personal blog and that I contribute to The Man Blog, seeing as the last entry I remember writing included a photo of an old woman with a tattoo of a penis on her forehead.

In conclusion: Sucat Ave.? More like SUCK-AT AVE.! WHICH IS IN THE CITY OF PARAÑA-CRAPPY!

Okay, I’ll be the first to admit that my wit is at an all-time low. Anyway, the beach wasn’t as bad as I thought. I, in fact, would go as far as saying that I had a beachin’ good time! ("Beachin’ Good Time" would have been an improvement from "Fun At the Beach." Too bad I’m too lazy to change the title.)

Mom and Dad were there, so was my pregnant sister and her husband, my brother and her girlfriend, my little sister, and Tintin. By the way, if anyone’s wondering, my sister’s 17. And if you so much as conjure any form of thought involving her, like if you even find yourself thinking what brand of shampoo she uses, prepare to be met with a phone call from my fist, as it intends to set an appointment with your nose. And I shall wish upon you a cancer to the face.

Anyway, I’ve had this hate-hate relationship with the beach for the past 7 years. I’m not going to expound as to what instigated this hatred, other than it involves how badly I wish heat were a solid, physical entity with human characteristics so I could kick it in the nuts, but I was surprised at how much I enjoyed our weekend in Batangas. The sun was cooperative, it even drizzled a couple of times - something which I gave myself high fives for, and something which incited about a dozen "FUCK YOU, COCOs" from my family all afternoon. 

In a show of speed and dexterity, Tintin and I drew penises by the shore to see who had the most awesome cock-ricatures (See what I did there?) before they got washed out by the tide. Actually, I was the only one who drew cocks and I forced her to write "TAE" ("SHIT") multiple times. I collected shells and rocks. And I ate. A LOT. I gained three or four pounds over the weekend.

"Beach-o Fantastico!" could also be a better title. Again, I’m too lazy to change the title. I’m all over the place. Just go to my Multiply for the rest of the photos.

We Got Tickets, Bitches (A Wrestlemania 24 Predictions Post)

Bim: With the biggest show on Earth looming just around the corner, Coco and I decided to make out a little with each other, and then post our predictions for Wrestlemania 24, which will be held at the Citrus Bowl in Orlando, Florida. Why should we do it? Well, it’s because we’ve nothing better to do and we like to force our opinions down your throats.

Wrestlemania 24!

JackTV is having a showing at the Glorietta Cinemas, at 7PM on March 31st. The event may be an invite-only thing, but I’m sure you can catch other showings at Megamall or other SM malls. If you can’t, just ask the ones getting tickets (THAT’D BE US) if the show was awesome or more awesome than normal.

Here be our predictions!

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TMB Side Projects.

As some of you may already know, Bim and I were recently tasked by The Mordo to handle two new blogs: Comicology and Cinemabuzz!, respectively. Obviously, the former is comics-centric, while the latter deals with midgets in bikinis. Bim and I terribly needing the cheddar for our heroin addiction notwithstanding, we both really love comics and midgets in bikinis, so it wasn’t that difficult for us to accept the interweb overlord’s offer.

Overwhelmed with jealousy, the rest of the Man Blog editors set out to conceive their own side projects; their “B-sites,” if you will. And they were kind enough to have me take a gander at the material they have so far.

First up is Fritz, whose primary blog has the following URL: fritzified.com. Wanting to cash in on the “-fied” suffix that he claims to have popularized (just play along), he decided to come up with a series of blogs which feature the “-fying” of things. So far, Fritz has one site in the works, and it’s called SISQOFIED! (www.sisqofied.com). And in a TMB exclusive, we’re giving you a sneak peek at what will comprise his first four posts:

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Best Week Ever! Exclamation Point!

Well, relatively. I mean, I could count a vacation overseas or seven days’ worth of sex and wrestling (I’ve had both) as what would indeed comprise my best week ever. But considering the many bummers I’ve had over a looong period of time, things are finally starting to pick up again. So, surprise! This is a whine-free entry.

For starters, I went out on my first date on Saturday since God knows when. Well it wasn’t really a date, since we were with Tintin’s new officemates having a buffet at Kamay-Kainan and karaoke-ing at Red Box, and I really didn’t pay for anything except for gas. But it was my first time at Trinoma and I had an amazing time. So amazing, in fact, that I’m thinking of changing that to "amazing-tastic!" Tintin and I then saw Jumper and I took her home at around 2:30AM. I headed straight for Bobby’s and drank and laughed my balls off with beer and BJ jokes, respectively.

That’s John, in our new porno, "May Mani Ka Sa Labi" (Russian title: "You Have A Penots On Your Lip"). Blame Marc, dude. No wait, blame yourself for sleeping on us again.

Last Friday, I found out that my sister was pregnant. Again, happy times. I honestly can not wait to get peed and puked on by the new addition to the family. But seriously, I’m really, really excited about this. New baby!

And on Thursday, I officially escaped debt’s sinister grip. Yes, "debt." I kinda broke Tintin’s 40 thousand peso DSLR camera after our Christmas party. Well I didn’t really break it, but it just stopped functioning after I last held it. And living by the old adage of "LAST TOUCH KA, GAGO," I volunteered and insisted on covering the repair expenses. Long story short, she called up the camera company last Thursday and they said that they were able to chalk everything up to the warranty, after initially saying that I needed to pay 10 grand for the repair.

So there. Dates and babies and beer and BJ jokes and being out of debt do comprise the best week ever. To quote the Nacho: